a mind of midnight

huwaaa,, lebaraaaan!!! oke-oke,, dalam kesempatan ini,, aku mo ngucapin maaf laer batin buat temen-temenku semua,,, aku buat banyak salah,,, sapa tau aku juga malah pernah jadi sebuah kesalahan di hidup temen2 semua,, huahuahuahuahau,,, ^^ maap, maap yaaaa,,, manusia banyak kekurangan,,  tapi percaya kok aku,, pasti kalian malah udah menemukan kebahagiaan kalian sendiri2,,, ^^ happy for you all!!

fewwww,, lebaran pada ke mana neh semua??? oleh-oleh jangan lupa dikirim ke pringwulung!! ^^ aku si,,, kumpul2 keluarga ibuku di surabaya,, huwaaa,, tapi sepupu2ku ga ada yang dateng!!!! alhasil,,, aku cengok sendiri di antara perbincangan orang-orang berumur (uppps,, hehehe). tapi ga papa deng,, ^^ kapan lagi kumpul2 ya?? stiill, i’m looking forward for next year…

hwaaa,,,setelah kisah yang panjang,, at last,, my fav manga udah tamat. karekano or lengkapnya kareshi kanojo no jijou. cerita ni benernya anime pertama yang aku liat jaman sma dulu. pertama liat langsng suka ma cerita ni. lucu, konyol, tapi dalem. cuman di animenya mang ga gitu cetha bontot2nya,, ceritanya lebih jelas di manga nya.

kenapa aku suka ni cerita?? cerita ini berisi tentang keluarga, persahabatan, cinta, pengkhianatan, kepercayaan, ketakutan, keberanian, masa lalu,,, dan akirnya masa depan. cerita ni kerasa bgt perkembangan tiap karakternya (ber 9 orang kalo ga salah), terutama dua tokoh utamanya, yukino n souichirou. tapi mang lebih kerasa ke souichirounya si. dari sisi gelapnya yang dia sembunyiin sampai akhirnya dia bisa membuka dirinya. (entah kenapa kadang-kadang ni orang ngingetin aku ma seseorang. kadang-kadang ae si,,)

yang jelas,, pas aku nutup ni komik,, aku bisa mbatin, "syukurlah,, he’s happy now,," perasaan lega ntu yang mbuat aku tambah takjub ma ni komik. heheheh.. berlebihan kali ya?? i mean that,, perasaan itu hanya akan muncul ketika pembaca seakan udah merasa dekat n mengenal tokoh utamanya kan?? sedikit banyak mengharap yang terbaik untuk tokoh utama. well, that’s the point i wish i can do when i make a story. masih harus banyak belajar ni tapi…

cuman ta,, ni cerita tu endingnya kok semuanya sukses bgt ya??? (ga terima ni ceritanya wkawkkawkakwkawka) habisnya,, semuanya jadi sukses di bidangnya masing-masing,, bahkan tokohnya yang kayaknya cuman bersenang-senang juga akhirnya sukses bgt boooo… hihihihihihihihi,,

hwaaaaah,,, above of all,, manga ni banyak ngasi inspirasi ke aku. hehehehehe,, wah,, rada sedih juga ni,, ga bakal ada lanjutannya tu komik,, wkakwkakwkawak,,

so,,, live happily you guys!! i wish i can make something in this world too,,

besok hari senen,, hari senen,, artinya,, asistensi dengan sang bapak.and the thing is:aku blum mutusin akirnya aku mau pake yang mana. masih lebih berat yang pilihanku pertama,,, apa tetep aja ya???? hwaaaa,, butuh masukan,, butuh masukan ni,,, mesti habis asistensi besok yang ada juga semakin bingung.. nyawa melayang entah ke mana. wkawkakwak,, meeeet,,, besok ngabur aja pa??? hehehhehehe,,,,

bener-bener deh,, satu-satunya cara biar ga mikirin,, tiduuur!! hehehehe,, pelarian sesaat. hmmm,, ngomong2 masalah pelarian,, pelarian yang suka kulakuin kalo lagi juneg ntah masalah kuliah, rumah, dsb…. tidur,, nulis cerita,, nonton,, mbaca,, pokoknya hal2 yang bisa bikin aku menghayati dunia yang lain,, wawkakwkakwkawka… berlebihaaaaan!!!

back to problem: so here i am. udah satu jam di warnet. tapi belum nemu pencerahan. ga ada orang. masak mau ngomong sendiri?? ato mau curhat ma mbak2 yang jaga ya?? mana sih big bro?? ga nongol2 di ym beberapa hari ni.huuuuu,,, mau tanya pendapat jeeeh.

nope, nope! okeh, okeh,, fokus,, fokus,,

tulis kelemahan dan kelebihan masing2 pilihan.

pilihan pertama

kelemahan: sedikit sumber literatur, ketidakjelasan fungsi bangunan (PENDIDIKAN BAPAAAAAK!! PENDIDIKAAAAN!!!), standar fungsi bangunan???

kelebihan: at least, ada bagian permasalah arsitektur yang bisa buat digarap.. lingkup penggunanya ga sekecil pilihan kedua, …n aku tertarik ma isu ini!! …bisa si cari sumber dengan surve.. di jogja ada beberapa kan?? kalo perlu,, ke jakartaaaa!! hihihihihi,,, njuk dolan mesti.

pilihan kedua

kelemahan: konsep program menarik, tapi kok malah kayak taman penitipan anak?? lingkupnya kecil amaaat… permasalahan arsitekturnya??? hmmm,,,

kelebihan: narasumber ada (pakarnya!!), kelembagaan jelas.

njuk? njuk? njuk???

hmmm,, okeh,, okeh,, mungkin semakin jelas bakal ke mana ni pilihannya.. okeh deh,, i’ve decided! tetep pilihan pertama!! mungkin diperjelas waelah ke sang bapak, biar dapet gambaran jelasnya,,huff,,huuuf,,,

fyuuuuuuuuuuuh….. okeh,,okeh,, good step,girl,,, first to another…

dah,, ah,, kelamaan juneg juga di warnet ya,,

daaah aaaaaah… ga usah mikir tugas lagi. cukup, cukup, cukup.

you know what??? i miss something in my life. ocean! dah lama banget ga liat pantai. terakhir… kapan ya?? waktu cari pasir buat pasca KKA pa ya?? iya ga si?? hwaaa,, ntu mah februari!!

need a boost ni,, penyemangat. apapun artinya. orang yang menyemangati. sesuatu yang menyemangati. hhhhmmm,,, yup,,yup!! semangaaat! o ya deng, there’s a dream to reach. that’s the booster! hehehhee,, yoooosh! bertahan berapa lama ni ya?? ,,kalo gitu.. cari bahan lagi deeeeh,, *gubraaak. ga deng, ga deng. hari ini cukup sampai di sini. bisa njeblug ntar kepala. tapi lumayan ni perasaan,, dah ga berat lagi. hihihihihi….

(current song: do you want to-frans ferdinand) hhwaaa, lagu riang ni,,, wakwakwwak. du-du..dududuuuuu.. i want to…..do lot of things!to be a better person, to make my parents happy n proud, to make my dreams come true, to watch my nephew grow~~want to be a super cool aunt!! :),,

ngomong-ngomong tentang nephew,,, bhimo dah tepat 1.5 tahun sekarang. banyak omong!! kayak bapake ya’e : cerewet!! he’s adorable. ngomongnya dah mulai cetha,, aktif bgt, ga bisa diem. besok nek dah gedhe,, tak ajak maen basket ah! biar cepet tinggi,, hihihihihhi.

(current song: dramatic-YUKI) "Although past promise has become the star, the memory will never be lost…"

denger lagu ni malah jadinya inget komentarnya dinaya. enak aja, masak dibilang laguku bgt.kenapa?? gara-gara suaranya yang NYA_NYA_NYAAA. yang nyanyi ni lebih sengau,,nek aku lebih nyempreng. malah disuru jadi penyanyi japun2 aja. huh,huh,huh,, huuuuuu,, hehhehehe.

huwaaaah,, ngomongnya makin ngalor ngidul ya?? kayaknya da panjang bgt ni.. bo-do!

fyuuuuh… pulang ah,,,

(mp3 status: heaven’s not enough, no reply, tell me what the rain knows, aozora no namida, do you want to, dramatic, lonely in gorgeous, season’s call, stray, gravity) —> gara2 sound card komp rumah ga beres2, jadi kangen ma lagu2 ni.

heheheh,, berhubung cerita2 jadi pindah ke blogspot, akirnya jadi t4 ngoweh2 ajah ni,,

hwaaaaa,, refreshed!! beberapa hari suntuk gara-gara kepentok SEMINAR,, bingung mau milih judul apa,, di antara dua pilihan,, bimbaaang,, kalo pilih yang satu,, ntar yang satu iri. *gubrak,, kayak paan aja. masih mikir studio:-gerbang kota,, gerbang kotaaaa!! tidaaak!!. laporan KP - ngehek, waktunya tinggal 2 bln lagi euy-,, SK,, hooooek,,,

intinya… di saat bener-bener udah bingung mpe bengong terus,, kemaren malem bener2 refreshed!!

Semalem bukber temen2 SMP di tempet Tia.. hwaaaah, ngakak abis isinya,, mpe akirnya asmaku rada kumat. malem ntu bener2 rasanya fun bgt dah! udah lama ga kumpul ma anak2,,hwaaaah,,looking forward to the next event!!! ^^

So I am in a journey with Reid. Who could think about this? This is the last think I can imagine… I never thought it would be this way. Live sometimes plays us a game, huh? But it still bothered me of what we will search in the next journey. I hate secrets. When a secret or lies is being hide so tight, then the truth will find a chance to reveal with a cruelest way,

“I found this pattern on the spot where your pet vanished.” Reid showed me a pattern.

“Moon.”

“Ha?”

“He’s called Moon.”

“Ah.. I’m sorry. Well,, you know- it’s just my – Bah, there’s nothing to excused, eh?” He laughed.

This pattern. It’s rare. “Old magic.”

“Ha?”

“This pattern.”

”Aaah,, you know things bout spell, huh?’

I nodded. “Druids learn a few spells.”

“Sooo.. How bout this one? Can we know some information from it?”

“Every magic clan has its own style to make their pattern. Even with a same spell, they have their own characteristic.” Reid seems amazed. He looked at me. And I annoyed by that.

“ What?”

”No,, I just thought you just can said two or three words to speak out. That was the longest line you ever said to me for these days.” Eh?? I never expect that to hear out. And I can’t bare to smile a bit.

“You tease me, don’t you? Well, let’s go focus now.” Because Moon is in the line of stake.

He seems to pause a bit. “Okay. You’re the boss!”

“The media of making the pattern is variety. Charcoal, blood, (batu kapur??), water or in these case… dust.” He nodded. “But, these days, dust is rare to use. Dust is an old media. The magic clan who used this, were using old magic.”

“He? Just like that? Because dust is an old media, so their using old magic?”

“No, more than that. Using dust is difficult. It’s too light. It has to treat by special way, to succeed making the magic pattern. And it’s a lost technology from the past. They called it Magic from the Past.”

“Aaah,, ‘old magic’!”

”Well, the point is.. As long as I know, it’s just one magic clan who use dust.”

“It’s….???”

“They called themselves Auryan.”

“And they’re at…”

“I don’t know. No one know whether they exist or not.”

“………..”

“Reid?”

“……….So? That’s it?”

“Afraid so..”

“Hell!! So this won’t make us going any where!!”

Going? “Speaking of places, where are you going for the first place?”

He froze. “Eh? Oh! That journey, eh? Well, ee, I run out of gold so,, e,,”

Wait a minute,,, Gold!! “Gold!!”

“Ha?” “It’s gold!”

“What gold?”

“The sign of Auryan clan.. is a tattoo on their back neck,, a golden fire!”

“!!! …. So?”

“It’s obvious! That’s why I feel so weird when I enter this city!”

“EH? You lost me.”

“This city; Yumera. It’s just too good to be true. There’s must be something else. So this is the fact, maybe Auryan is all behind of this!”

“How can you sum up that conclusion? We can’t just visit the Mayor and asking for his responsibility.”

“As I remember… I saw a fire sign on the corner of the gate. It’s a secret sign that there’s a Auryan hideout in this city.”

“Are you sure?”

“mmm!!”

“So,, how you can know that much about Auryan?”

“…Well, my master was an Auryan, before he escape from the clan.”

“Why so?”

“..long story….”

“Ah…” He’s stretching out. “So let’s begin our searching!”

“Yeah!” We walk side by side, going out to the town.

“Well, Myth…”

“..?”

“This is the longest conversation I have with you.” Yeah.. it’s true…

Damn! It’s raining so sudden! I hate rain!! More than that,, what am I doing now!?? There’s more urgent thing I have do to than this,,, Hell,,,
I came back to the crime scene to search some clue. That alley seems darker than before or it’s actually like that before, eh?? The crows are quacking like crazy. Hell, it makes me too.
I knee near the spot where that big cat disappear. Nothing weird here,,, Wait,, what’s this?  There’s some dust there,, dust with pattern!!! This is a spell!! It’s … it’s.. Hell, I don’t anything about casting a spell. Who knows what this is???  Well better keep this shape in my mind…
I need more information than this. But from where? Local people?? Maybe they know something. It’s already dawn… people are still snoring at this time.. Maybe I should give up and try again tomorrow. The tavern might have something new to bring up. Who knows? Information is fast-spread everywhere. That’s what I learn from girls.. he-he..
The inn is waiting for me. Need to sleep, though. These days are too rough to handle.. Meeting Myth is the most surprising,, Who knows I can meet her again after these years?? Damn.. Is it destiny? Why should I meet her when I seek for Luth?
I decided to go back to my room.
When I opened my door, I was sure that I scream a little bit. I repeat: just a bit. It was Myth sitting on my bed. Hell, she’s so creepy. I never imagine I will meet her again after that fight.
“Myth!! You scared me to death.. Hell, what are you doing in my room?”
“I’m in..”
“You’re in to??”
“Find Moon. Help me.” Hell, someone should teach her to talk more.
“I thought you don’t care.” She looks disturbed. I said something wrong; maybe.
“You help me or not?”
I can’t bare to not tease her a little. It kind of my habit. Bad habit. “I don’t hear any ‘please’..”
She looks annoyed. Long silence. She throw her face, “Please, Reid.” How can I not help you, our little sister?
“Okay, but there’s one thing you must do.” She’s listening. “Come with me in my journey..”
“what journey?”
How crazy I am asking her to looking for Luth? Maybe I just hoping to make this all crazy stuff right… can it will be?
“…it’s a secret for now.."

Yozora No Mukou ( Beyond The Night Sky )

(listen to the last pv on my profile,, well, if you want to know the meaning of what they sing about,, here,, i got it from the forum,,)

Ever since then
I wonder if we could come to believe in something…
Beyond the night sky
Tomorrow is already waiting

Ever since then
I wonder if we could come to believe in something…
Beyond the night sky
Tomorrow is already waiting

huuuuuuuuuuuuuh,, walo udah males ketemu yang namanya komputer,, maw ngapa2 juga kudu ketemu juga ma ni benda,,, T-T hyaaaa,,, bikin mata tambah min kayaknya,, ngenalin orang dari jauh juga cuma dari bentuk2 doang,, aih,, aih,,, where my glasses? well, i have it with me,, males make,, ga nyaman,, hehehe,,

yup!! deadline2 dah mule menggila,, asal ga ikutan gila aja,, hahyahyahya,,, mpe ga sempet nerusin cerita,, don’t know where all the time flew,,, 24 hours are not enough!

liat temen2 bikin studio pake MAX bikin pengen juga pake MAX,, cuman ga betahny ntu,,, mana masi amatir juga,,, liburan maw privat kilat!!! sama sapa?? sasha yang les lagi,, n pakar MAX lainnya,, tapi ntu nanti,,,, sekarang: hidup sketch up!! sketch up!! ehehe,, keliatan banget le males ye,,,, hehehe,, lha gimana ye.. tuntutan si,, (he?)

mpe ga ngurusin diri sendiri,, mpe ga ngurusin rumah,, mpe ga sempet kumpul2 ma keluarga,,, mpe ga taw perkembangannya bhimo,,, mpe ga taw ma dunia luar,, hyaaaaa,,, where was i??? don’t know though,,,

i can’t differ reality or not.. he? believe it or not. apa gara2 kebanyakan di depan komputer ya?? feel like this life isn’t real,,, hfyuuuh,,

biar balik ke dunia nyata?? meditasi kalii,,, perlu meditasi di bawah air terjuuuuuun!!!! meditasi di rumah bikin tidur!!! (lha gimana enggak,, sambil tiduran,,, heheheh,,,)

ngomong makin ga karuan,,, mbuhlah,,

i’m searching for the skyline,,

the horizon,, where the sky n the ocean meet,,

every sweat is for the pleasure,,

every adrenaline is for the excitement,,

this is what i do,,

this is what i love,,

every second is for the proud face of my parent,,

every minute is for the happiness of my family,,

every hour is for the goal of my dreams; the bright future ahead,,

this is what i do,,

this is what i love,,

,,because i want to; i do it,,

,,because i love to; i make it,,

…..that’s why i do it with all my heart,,,

~~~this is for people who works their dream with all their heart,, and make their dream happen,, i admire you all,, 

I saw Reid’s back. I can see from his back, he’s angry. But I can’t see the reason why. because it is me who deserve to angry. He said that I always think bout myself?!? Did he just say that I’m selfish? Why can’t I??? He didn’t know what have happened to me for all this time,, he can’t judge me like that,, he CAN’T!!!
Am I wrong if I think bout myself?? Because there’s no one will think bout me.. Am I wrong if I’m taking care myself? Cause no one will taking care of me.. Am I wrong if I try to protect myself?? Because no one will do it for me!?!??! Someone,, please tell me,,,, am I wrong,,, am I wrong,,,
I’ve been waiting a hand for all this time,, but every time I thought it was my chance,, I was wrong,, even now.. even Moon..
Reid,, do you know? You don’t know, do you? Before that tragic night.. There was a night that broke me into pieces. The night when I lost my trust. Or I thought that I’ve lost it. Aww,, my head.. it’s hurt again!
I feel so lonely. I feel the world is rejecting me, as I don’t deserve to breathe its air. I looked at the sky, asking for an answer. Why? Tell me God.. Am I asking too much? What I want just to be accepted.. to be loved.. Am I asking too much???
I fell on my knee. And then I realize that it’s start to rain. It’s raining again,, As I remember, it always rain when I feel like this. Like it wants to clear my sin; to erase the trace of blood on my hand. But it can’t cure the doubt in my mind. What should I do? I know Reid isn’t that far to catch… Should I go? Why should I? Moon knows my true nature.. and he turn his back on me.. It’s no use….. I can imagine how he will see me,, with disgust,, with fear,, Thinking it more and more,, made me in pain. My heart seems like ready to burst from its chest. Rejection. Disappointment. I hate it. Why everyone is lying to me!?!?!?
I scream,, harder and harder,, trying to release my frustration,, Please,, someone,, help me!!! Anybody,,,
I don’t know,, really,, but suddenly,, many thought came through my head. Moments with Moon. Moments when he always be my destination. Moments when I can laugh for the first time since a long time, because of Moon’s sillyness… I realize.. I haven’t given anything to him but burden. I… I… I’m such a childish girl, like you said Reid… I’m selfish…

I close my face with my two hands.. trying to make sure that i’m real.. Moon,, like you said.. maybe i think to much.. i know you will have fear in me.. but for now.. i just want to make sure that you’re alright.. the rest.. i don’t care..

Feeling sure with what i feel.. i decided to save Moon.. If this is can payback what you did for me before.. for being my guardian for all this time…